Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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