his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
