We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
