so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
smell my finger.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
