My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
