theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
