hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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