would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
