A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
