After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
