Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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