dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
