I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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