I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
