I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
