The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
