since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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