watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
