I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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