Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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