..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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