Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
