Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
