I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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