If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you win again, gameday.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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