i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
