Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
