I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
jump out the window naked night went bad
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
