Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
