You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize