I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
