I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
