I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
