you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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