Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
