i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
