All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
