yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
God, I missed his penis.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
