You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize