yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
