i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I could fuck to npr.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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