he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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