I must be too annoying 4 u.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
