I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dicks are not precious.
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