I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my sisters under your porch take her home
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
