dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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