He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
