so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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