I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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