If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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