So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize