i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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