Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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