Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
