It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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