What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
