so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
