ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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