Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We're too hungover to prance.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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