I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
