one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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