OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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