i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
