im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
They took my balls.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
