i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
